In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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