i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
