finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
