I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
