either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
