Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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