just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
