Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
