oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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