There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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