i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Life is so much better after having sex.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
