it's too hot outside to masturbate.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
