do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
