Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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