My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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