That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
