My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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