Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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