Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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