i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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