i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
