god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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