If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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