i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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