turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
