It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
