I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
