so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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