and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
