So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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