goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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