Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
