Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
