I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
40s are totally the cure
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
