Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize