This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
