Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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