I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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