There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
