By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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