Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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