final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
