the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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