I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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