I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
