I puked a lego.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
