nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
