they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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