OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
