Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
