Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
