you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
