I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
