farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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