this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.