In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
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There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?