The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?