drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.