His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
