dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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