We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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