My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
