Just fell off a train. Bad.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
