I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
