I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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