I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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