Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
