now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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