..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
