Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
